the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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