You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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