So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
