just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
