im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
