Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
