dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize