"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
