My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
