Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
