saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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