One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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