We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
