idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
