I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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