I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
