I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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