Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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