good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
