So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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