he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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