the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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