my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
