I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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