before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
