please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
