Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
