I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
