he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
