Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize