i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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