and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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