i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
