you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
