i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
