when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
