Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have demons in me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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