all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
