69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The uberlube is also flammable
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
