they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
