actually, I'm a sock model
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize