i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
