Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's no shave November. This is our time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
