he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
