Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
