Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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