my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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