no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
