Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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