You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
