He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
