So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
