If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
