I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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