hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize