I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
