I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
