wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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