Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
