its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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