I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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