yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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