i just sold back the books i vomitted on
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
