for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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