erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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