By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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