it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
