I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
