Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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