I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
