where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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