Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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