she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
