butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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