so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
