Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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