I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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