I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
