I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
