my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
