I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
