your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
