i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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