whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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