You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
