Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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