Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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