Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
