sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
