We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
