hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
