just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
