names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
