Im at strip club and am horny
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
