were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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