I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize