your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
