but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
