This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
