Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
