Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
