Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
