ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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