Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
