Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
