Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
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