Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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