you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
