We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
