Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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