I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize