I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
