So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
