i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
