I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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