I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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