i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize