how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
