guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
