Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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