Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
