i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
